Busy busy busy! I got in Taormino's Best Lesbian Erotica for X-rated Exes. Then last week I just got in the mail a copy of Dirty Girls, Rachel Kramer Bussel's latest collection where I have a story on a bizarre cheese and boot encounter. Though this is fiction, it was inspired by real life!

On a side note...

Here's my inspiration of the day from Oscar Wilde:

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all."

Maitresse Elise
http://www.lelisebland.com

A story I wrote a while back for Naughty Spanking Stories Vol. II (Rachel Kramer Bussel) made it into Best Lesbian Erotica, edited by Tristan Taormino! On shelves now! My story is called X-Rated Exes.

Here's the reading I'm doing tonight:

Drunken! Careening! Writers!
Thursday, December 20, 7pm
KGB Bar
85 E. 4th St., NYC
FREE
Best! Lesbian! Erotica! 2008!
With contributors
L. Elise Bland
Isa Coffey
D.L. King
And your hostess, Kathleen Warnock

Ho, ho, ho (so to speak…) once again, it’s time for
that Drunken! Careening! Writers! tradition, the
annual reading by contributors from Best Lesbian
Erotica. Because we’re kind of religious that way.
Copies of the spanking new (so to speak) release (so
to speak) will be on sale.

L. Elise Bland is originally from Austin, Texas where
she worked as a stripper, dominatrix, fetish model and
erotic actress. She moved to the northeast to play out
her real-life fantasies of "kinky boss lady" in the
corporate world. While her stories are technically
fiction, they all contain a grain of truth from her
past and present exploits. She enjoys dressing up,
spanking nice asses, tweaking delicate body parts, and
anything else that makes her laugh. Her piece "X-Rated
Exes" is about a co-worker crush at a strip club.

Isa Coffey has been teaching sexuality workshops and
courses for teens, women and men since the first
plastic speculum began being used as a breathtaking,
disconcerting and audacious tool for discovering the
roots of female sexuality. She will have them on sale
at DCW, $5 a speculum! Since the mighty plastic
speculum got Isa from there to here, just imagine
where it might take you! Women and Men included.

D. L. King pens smut somewhere between the Wonder
Wheel in Coney Island and the Chrysler Building. She
is the founder and editor of the book review site,
Erotica Revealed. Her second novel, The Art of
Melinoe, has been released as an E-book. You can find
her novels and stories on line, in e-book and in
print. Look for new stories in the upcoming Cleis
anthologies, "Yes, Ma'am" and Yes, Sir." To learn
more, please visit the author's website,
dlkingerotica.com and eroticarevealed.com.

And before I sign off this time out, I want to let you
know that, much to my surprise, I have MANY readers
booked for next year, our fifth, at KGB!

In January, you will hear from Lisa Ferber, Jaffe
Cohen, and a monologue from Neena Beeber (read by Jim
Nugent). In Feburary, we’ll be celebrating Mardi Gras
with an event featuring writers from the Saints &
Sinners conference in New Orleans. March will roar
with writers from the Lambda Writers Workshop. In
April, we’ve got Tim Brown, Paul McComas, Andrew
Bierle AND Adam Symkowicz. (I ended up with four
writers in a couple of the months…). May features Anne
Elliott, Alyson Palmer and Angela Himsel, while June,
as always is for Careening Pride and will have Joel
Derfner, Christopher Bram and Robin Cloud. July
features the return of Television Without Pity and…I’m
getting to the rest of the year surprisingly fast. I
am even contemplating putting up a website (five years
in…way to be cutting edge, Kathleen!)

So I hope to see you at KGB in December, where the
boys, girls and dominatrixes are cheap, and the drinks
are pretty.

Let’s be careful out there…

Kathleen Warnock

I went to my first Lesbian Sex Mafia meeting last night. It was an educational seminar put on by Tristan Taormino, the ass expert! It was really interesting. I got there late because of work (and leaving my cell at home, couldn't look up directions to the Gay and Lesbian center and got lost! I ended up stopping off at a straight Irish bar in a queerish area of town, and they just happened to have the gay paper there, and there was a big announcement for Tristan's talk in that paper - Anal Play for Women. I got there just in time for the segment on anal fisting plus Q & A. Here's the description:

BDSM & Anal Play

with Tristan Taormino

Writer/sex educator Tristan Taormino (author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and director of the reality porn series Chemistry) leads you through the world of all things anal, covering a wide variety of topics, including:

* the ins and outs of anal penetration
* incorporating anal play into a scene
* extended butt plug wearing
* anal sex, D/s, and power play
* strap-on anal sex
* an introduction to enema play
* plus, an extensive Q & A -- ask her anything!

Tristan Taormino (http://www.puckerup.com) is too busy for her own good. She is the author of three books: True Lust: Adventures in Sex, Porn and Perversion, Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. She just completed editing the fourteenth volume of the Best Lesbian Erotica anthology series. She is a contract director for Vivid Entertainment, where she directs a reality series called Chemistry and helms the new sex ed imprint Vivid-Ed. She wrote, produced and directed the first title for Vivid-Ed, Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex and is hard at work on several more instructional videos. She is the sex columnist for The Village Voice and writes the Anal Advisor column for Taboo. She teaches workshops at colleges and universities, sex and leather conferences, and other places around the country. She is also the co-producer of Dark Odyssey, a bi annual sex, BDSM, and spiritual event.

Obviously I have not been getting enough shoe shopping or spanking or kinky shoes in my life lately! (I have been very very busy with non-kinky things, unfortunately.)

Early this morning I was having a great dream, and then it spilled over into my bed. I was dreaming that I was in a shoe store trying on pumps. The first pair was cute, but too big. So my husband threw me another shoe to try on. I'm not a very good catch, so I missed the shoe and it fell onto the chair beside me. I reached over to grab the shoe in my dream, but in real life, I actually reached over and gave my husband a big slap on the ass. That sure woke him up, though not enough for playtime at 4 a.m. I, of course, couldn't get back to sleep after all that excitement. Shopping for shoes...bare asses...my favorite things!

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

Here is announcement from SWIRL, sex workers writings (not necessarily about sex work)that is broadcast on the web. Judy (Jeweltone) used some of our stories in her dissertation and one of mine was even played in her defense!

All week, until next Tues. or Wed., July 3/4, I'll be broadcast on the website below. This was an impromptu discussion about sex work amongst those present. I think what stood out that day for me was that the one woman, who was a former pro-Domme/switch...she said that she did a fair amount of pro-subbing in NYC, but after 9/11 happened, she noticed that the demand for pro subs increased, that people wanted to play, but felt less comfortable giving up control. I had a similar experience in my Domme biz - subs not wanting to submit fully, subs coming in and having to cut sessions short because they weren't in headspace, X-dressers no longer comfortable in their lace panties. On the flip side, there were other people who went full force into fantasy world, including myself. I started crossdressing as an English dandy a lot and didn't pass very well as a man! (packing dildo doesn't fit so well in a thong.) So I switched over to pirate.

We talked about other things, too. It was several months ago so I don't remember what. I know I remember some discussion of woman-on-top sex and how it firms up a prostitute's thighs! I didn't know that was the top requested position.

I guess we will have to listen to find out. I know Tracy Quan had much to say!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now airing midnight-1am Eastern Standard Time, 7 days
a week on Sex Workers' Internet Radio Lounge:

ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION: An informal discussion by L.
Elise Bland, Joe Gallant, Tracy Quan and Tammy
Remington of their thoughts about and their
experiences in sex work. Hosted and recorded by Joe
Gallant, New York City, February 18, 2007. Followed by
readings by authors Bland, Remington and Quan.

To listen go to:
http://emedia.art.sunysb.edu/swirl/

Also new on SWIRL:
--Music by Beau-Ty (pronounced "bow-tie")
--Performances by Reginald M. Lamar (airing after Sex
Workers Art Show Interviews, 8:30pm, 7 days a week)

Thanks for listening!

Judy


L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

Part of an e-mail from my slut Veronique in Austin, TX, 123 Johnson St. Apt. B....just kidding about the address, but yes, this is a real person, actually a really slutty person!

>>>>>>>>>
Hi Maitresse,

Right now, I am dressed up all in red--panties, bra, dress, heels and
lipstick. I was dancing around all slutty with some humiliating
pictures up on my computer, when all of a sudden the doorbell rang! Well of
course, I was hardly in a position to get the door, so I ran upstairs
and threw on some other clothes, in case it was someone I needed to open
the door for. Well, it was only someone delivering a package, which
was just left there.

But, of course, I could fantasize it was an important package I needed
to sign for, being delivered by a beautiful young woman, and I would
answer the door still wearing bra and panties--each slightly sticking out
from under the jeans and tee shirt I had hastily put on, and traces of
lipstick still visible. She would notice and be unable to contain
herself from giggling as she gave me the package, and then would spot my
heels just inside the door, carelessly left in view. Maybe she would
drop the pen, as she handed it to me, and order me, in a suprisingly
forceful way, to crouch down and pick it up....

A short note as I am supposed to be in bed with my feet elevated! I went to a Dutch event last night and had the bright idea of wearing real wooden shoes from Amsterdam. Everybody was very impressed with my authentic shoes, so, even though they were killing my feet worse than any shoes I have ever worn in my entire life -- and if anybody has seen my shoe collection, you know what torment I have put my feet through -- I was too stubborn to take them off.

Not only did I keep them on at the entire Dutch event, I also wore them to Rachel Kramer Bussel's In the Flesh reading afterwards! I woke up this morning to find that I no longer had feet, but rather two big pink hams on the ends of my legs!

I had to come home midday today to ice them and elevate them. They are finally starting to look like feet again.

This isn't the first time I have had a run-in with shoes. Back in 2001, I was playing with a sub who brought me the most beautiful tall, shiny black patent leather boots, but they were a size 8, two sizes too big. I wanted to wear them so bad that I stuffed the toes with cotton and put them on. My foot wasn't completely stable in them, but no big deal. I have good balance. That is, until I started chasing the sub! He was on the floor crawling around, nude except for a parachute on his balls dragging about 20 lbs. of weights on the floor behind him. I was chasing him, swatting his butt wiht a riding crop. My foot slid forward in the boot and I fractured it. It was a very small bone. I didn't even know it until 2 weeks later. My foot wasn't looking so good and one of my foot fetish girlfriends was massaging it at a party. I finally realized I should get it X-rayed.

Anyway, I think my feet will heel soon this time. They are just bruised.

Signed,
Big Foot

I'm digging through 110 pages of writing from my friend who passed away, looking for quotes for a memorial service. I ran across this line in one of his stories. I like to think it's about me!

"The back lighting made her appear to have a halo that surrounded her mane of golden blonde hair. It was an optical illusion, though, for someone this deliciously wicked would never wear a halo well."

L. Elise Bland

Y'all may be wondering where I went. I fell in the ice 2 weeks ago and hurt my arm and didn't feel much like writing anything. It's better now, but I have to wear a sling for a while. But that's not the sad news.

I just found out that my friend and whip maker, Allan of Snakepit Leather Works died today of cancer. Some of you may remember his whips - nice red buttery deer flogger, thuddy blue elk flogger, long single-tail-ish "Medusa" whip, sting ray paddle, so many fun toys, the infamous bathtub toilet seat... Not only was he a master whip maker, he was also a great friend. I was lucky to get to talk to him on e-mail 2 weeks ago.

He was a true patriot. He even donated a red, white and blue flogger to my 9/11 Red Cross "Smut for America" fundraiser back in 2001. So looking back, I guess I knew him for about 7 years.

Anyway, that's the latest. http://www.snakepitleatherworks.com

L. Elise Bland

They are back! I looked at Slipper Room's website tonight and it looked like they had a regular show on Wednesday. And even though nobody had written me back and they still weren't answering their phone, I thought, what the hell, I'm going back to Manhattan. Again - 4th time this week - 3 hr round trip. I wanted those boots back really bad.

When I walked in the door, the coat check guy, Joe, recognized me immediately. He had stashed my bag for me. He was so impressed by my fabulous boots, he said he had even carried one around in his arms like a baby (which he demonstrated to me.) "I've never seen a snow boot so light and so well made." I let him stick his hand inside the fleece part, but somehow that didn't seem to impress him so much.

"So soft on the top," he said. "But so firm on the bottom. Even this part." He ran his hand across the ridges of the tread.

"And they smell great," I said, taking a sniff. "Did you smell them?" I was sure he had.

"Yes," he confessed, chuckling.

Then I thought I had him figured out. Fetish boy. I talked to him about feet and other footwear, vintage designer pumps even, but he really didn't seem so interested except in those particular boots.

He had a good eye for quality at least. These boots were expensive, which is why I wanted them back. I had made an investment since I would be living up here...forever. On the bottom, they look like business-style Doc Martens with top stitching. They are so un-snow-boot-like that I have worn them under my slacks at work. Inside, fake fleece. And then suede uppers that come almost to my knee. They are made by Ugg in Australia. I was embarrassed to buy a pair of celebrity Uggs, but these didn't look like the usual Uggs and won't die out with the trend since they have a classic shape.

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

Still no boots! I just don't have time to go to Manhattan tonight again, only to find that that bar closed. I will go back on Tues., maybe even catch a show.

I did a reading Sat. night for a burlesque b'day party. The show was great. I got to spank the birthday girl and also met Lolita Wolf, a very prominent leather woman.

Afterwards we all went to another bar where one of the performers, Tigger the traumatized clown, was going to be doing an act. The Slipper Room - http://www.slipperroom.com Between the two shows, I have never seen so many exciting costumes and twisted takes on life.

I got caught up in it all, stayed out way too late, and then left my snow boots at the Slipper Room! I am upset because, as luck would have it, it snowed last night and I have no boots. I called the bar, but no answer. I even went into Manhattan last night, but the doors were locked. My boots are being held hostage.

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

So much porn, so little time. I haven't even had time to watch the weather forecast in the past week, so I have not seen my Assraelis video yet.

Yesterday I did an interview and reading for the Swirl webcast coming up. Other readers included Tammy Remington and Tracy Quan. The guy who was recording and also participating in some of the discussions - Joe Gallant - writes and directs porn. In fact, he seemed to do just about everything! I saw a lot of music equipment at his place as well, and he had won an Emmy for music.

Here is his website: http://www.blackmirror.com. I'm not so sure about this enema buttpainting thing they mention on there! I just hope the girls did a preliminary enema before they started the actual painting!

He gave the readers some videos. I got "Wild in the streets" which includes a "sportsdrink enema," "Contract Girls - Pornstar by Day...Assassin by Night," two naked women on the cover, one holding a machine gun, the other with a sword, and "Ave.X - A psyche/political porn/meditation" with a disturbing picture on the back, so I'll probably watch that one first.

What better to do on President's Day than sit home watch a stack of total smut!

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

At the Hot and Nasty party in Manhattan last night, I won a raffle prize - a DVD of Israeli erotica! It's called Assraelis. I haven't watched it yet, but I was so excited, I was jumping up and down in a pair of painfully high heels. It even has the kosher symbol on it, and apparently a rabbi got really mad over that part. I guess I always imagined Israel to be this pious type of land, a place where parents send their teenagers off in the summer to get them all religious. Never been, but now I want to go!

I'll let y'all know my review.

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

Even though I'm not a big cupcake kind of person, I have joined a cupcake group -spearheaded by some people I know from the erotica world, including Rachel Kramer Bussel. (I know y'all already know her website, but it's http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com). Not everybody there was kinky, though.

We went to the Crumbs Bake Shop and got a bunch of cupcakes, cut pieces out of them. We didn't just sit there and gorge on whole cupcakes at a time. My favorites were the black and white mini-cupcake (thin hard glaze icing on top, half chocolate and half vanilla) and the chocolate chip cookie dough. It tasted the most like cream cheese!

Cupcakes seem to be really popular these days. A bunch of people are blogging about them.

To prepare for this sugary binge, I went to a Body Combat class this morning at the gym. It seemed kind of silly, all that good punching and kicking going to waste on the air.

I am supposed to do a photo shoot today, but I think it will be put off till tomorrow because of work. I made a quick stop into the city to get a hat in Greenwich Village (quick stop being 1 1/2 hrs of travel in and then 1 1/2 hrs out, and an hour in the city!)I got one of those leather daddy hats that look kind of like a cop hat with a little bitty brim. I found it at The Leather Man. I don't have much to say this morning because I'm half asleep as usual, but boy do I miss leather. I don't really have so much of a leather fetish as I do shoes, but that smell...and the leather on the hat is so soft. The other item of interest was a toilet seat on a tripod kind of base. It wouldn't fit in your bathtub, but wouldn't it be interesting as a piece of furniture in the living room?

Oh, and the $800 boots thigh high boots. These weren't the usual stiletto boots, but rather big sturdy working man boots. They were gorgeous. The guy said they came in women's sizes, but I really need a heel and can't quite spend that money anyhow.

I can't remember which city it is that they call Sin City, but in my experience, Sin City is pretty much wherever I'm at!

I just got back from a biz trip in S.F. We worked really really hard and it looked like I wasn't going to get to see the town at all, but the very last night, as luck would have it, my computer was messed up. No way to do any extra work in the hotel. I had no choice but to jump on a trolley car straight to the Castro. I went to the Cafe' on Market right next to the gas station. They have balconies you can sit out on and watch people walk up and down the street. Not many people were out on a Tues. night, though. Back in the 90's, when rainbow flags were in full swing, I remember sitting up on that balcony and watching the parade, all the flags flying, flag T-shirts, guys in short shorts and muscle shirts, PDA (not the cell phone, but making out in public.) Last night it all seemed kind of drab, but it was Tues., after all.

I ran into a girl from TX and her crazy friend - and I mean crazy. This woman was the female version of Gene Simmons, Russian-American, motorcycle jacket, long black hair, forceful make-up, loves to scream and stick her tongue out. And she had just gotten out of jail, 16 day sentence! I have no idea for what - I was too scared to ask - but she was nuts. Every so often, she would burst into a frenzied metal hair dance accented with crude gestures.

TX was kind of crazy herself, flashing her tits from the balcony.

The girls were going to the Lexington, the women's bar in the Mission, so I jumped in the cab with them.

As soon as we got out of the cab, the Gene Simmons one was puking on the sidewalk already. I didn't even realize she was drunk. Who could tell, she was so crazy.

"She's got a stomach virus," TX told me. Hardly.

The Ms. Simmons said, "I don't think they'll let me back in this bar, I've been kicked out of there so many times." But they did let her in. We lined up some music in the juke box and she went ballistic, singing, screaming, rolling around on the floor kicking her legs in the air, grabbing women from the bar and trying to make them dance...I could tell people were getting annoyed with her.

Then a bunch of femmy women came in the bar dressed in 1950's dresses, and with glued on facial hair! They must have been in a show or something. I was distracted looking at them. Next thing I know, TX and Gene Simmons had vanished. I think they got kicked out again. They didn't even say good-bye. I took off shortly thereafter. I was being stalked by an Anne Heche look-alike who was just as looney, waiting for the next spaceship.

What a weird night. Somehow along the way, I got my butt massaged and spanked a woman, just goofing off. I swear, 5 different people asked me, "What's your sign?" I thought that line went out in the 70's. "Virgo," I said. Then followed by a knowingly smile. "I thought so!" I decided to switch it up - Capricorn. "Yes! I knew it!" Sagittarius "Ooh, I had a feeling there was another side to you." I guess it's a California thing, astrology.

L. Elise Bland
http://www.lelisebland.com

Today is Jan. 17th, the day that, for some unknown reason, I always anticipate every year. This has been going on for as long as I can remember, that this day rolls around and I feel like it's something special. It feels like an anniversary of some sort, but I can't remember for what. On the flip side, I always get a little nervous today - what if something bad happens? I try to make it a celebration instead.

To celebrate, I'm going to Rachel Kramer Bussel's In the Flesh reading series. It's erotic memoir night. Boy do I have a lot of those! Most, I can't even post here on the blog. This event is at Happy Endings Lounge in Manhattan. http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com

In The Flesh ushers in 2007 with true stories from erotic memoirists,
who dishabout everything from being a sex columnist to online dating,
indulging in fine food and fine sex, BDSM relationships, loving a
transgendered partner, dating as a single mom, and more. With Marty
Beckerman (Generation S.L.U.T.), Helen Boyd (My Husband Betty, She’s
Not the Man I Married), Ron Geraci (The Bachelor Chronicles), Gael
Greene (Insatiable), Rachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking), Susan Shapiro
(Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic, Lighting Up, Five Men Who Broke My
Heart), Grant Stoddard (Working Stiff), Virginia Vitzthum (I Love You,
Let’s Meet), and Lauren Wissot (Under My Master’s Wings), along with
host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Authors’ books will be available for sale
from Mobile Libris. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served.

I wrote up a story called "Fifi the Cat" about an erotic film shoot I did a while back - a co-worker/friend who fancied herself a cat off-screen. Recorded in Manhattan in Nov.

***************

Tonight on Sex Workers' Internet Radio Lounge:

10:30pm-11:30pm E.S.T.

Triple Xperience: Featuring real-life stories written
and read by Lady Monster and L. Elise Bland. Also
featuring a 20 minute excerpt from Anna Regina's audio
documentary "Working Stories," with phone interviews
with a variety of people involved in sex work.

To tune-in, go to:

http://emedia.art.sunysb.edu/swirl/

Please note: Programs sometimes start a few minutes
late, due to a problem with our streaming service.

PS - I would greatly appreciate your feedback and
comments on SWIRL. Just send a note to this address.

Judy Dunaway

Volume 2!

I'm in it. I wrote a lesbian strip club spanking story called X-Rated Exes. I just got the book in the mail today. It has a cartoon of a girl's butt in a school girl skirt bending over. Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com.

No new adventures lately since I've been working non-stop. I won't be out and about again till Thanksgiving. I just got back from a biz trip in CO and somehow ended up spanking a woman in the hallway. It was all in good fun, but all very strange.

Here's an event going on Wed. put on by Rachel. It's her b'day.

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
COMIC SEX NIGHT
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

New York’s funniest comedians riff about their wildest sex storiesæfrom a horny gym trainer to a 30-year-old virgin, sex with a D-list celebrity, hot hotel sex and much more, they’ll make you laugh so hard you just might pee in your pants. With sidesplitting sex tales Sara Jo Allocco (The Kissing Booth), Adira Amram (Me and Bill), Claudia Cogan (Check Your Cool), Jessica Delfino (“Rock N’ Roll Pussy,” I Wanna Be Famous), Julie Klausner (Freak Show, Free to Be Friends), Todd Levin (How to Kick People), Mindy Raf (Collegehumor.com), Lianne Stokes (And God Created Women), Baron Vaughn (Tell Your Friends), and music by the very foxy Adira Amram (Me and Bill, “Adira Amram Is An American Idol”). Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Free candy and cupcakes will be served.